This Isn't What it Looks Like
by Medicinal Biscuit
Summary: It should have been just a menial, easy outing but with Team Hebi involved, nothing's ever that simple. In which one of the most boring tasks imaginable becomes a fight for survival and dignity..at least to Suigetsu. CRACK!


**Notes:** Hey guys, I'm back! I want to take a minute to thank everyone who read **A Curse From Beyond the Grave.** Last time I checked it had over 1,000 hits. A double thank you if you reviewed, and a triple thank you if you're one of the aforementioned people who is reading this now.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Naruto

**Warnings/About this story: Language, (only one severe curse word) Mild to moderate Violence, and CRACK! also EXTREMELY mild shounen-ai SUISASU but only if you squint. This story is told in mainly FLASHBACK MODE so the 'normal timeframe' is in italics, while the FLASHBACKS are in NORMAL font. **This is something I randomly came up with, but I hope I managed to keep everyone mildly IC. Sasuke has one really OOC line, but I couldn't resist. I hope you all enjoy it

**This Isn't What it Looks Like**

_"Ugh! Suigetsu! How long does it freakin TAKE, you lard-ass!"_

_Karin was pissed. She'd been sitting in the waiting room for an hour with Juugo dozing off on her shoulder, covering her new jacket with drool. Finally, she had gotten fed up, and was now stalking angrily down the empty hallway screaming at her teammate, even though he was out of earshot. _

_"You'd better buy me a new jacket, bastard, I swear!"_

_Still muttering darkly, Karin reached the office door, and violently threw it open._

_"I heard some crashing in here a while back, wha-...oh..my...GAWD!!"_

_A most interesting sight met the kunoichi's eyes. The first thing she noticed was the corpse on the floor, which appeared to have been strangled with some sort of string, surrounded by five or so unconscious females. Blood and toothpaste were splattered all over the walls, and furniture was scattered about the room-evidance that a violent struggle had taken place. Scalpels and surgical tools were stuck in the doors, and a gas tank of some kind scuttled around the room-leaking profusely. _

_Most shocking of all, however, was Sasuke, lying limply on the floor, with Suigetsu kneeling over him. The mist-nin was wearing a breath mask for some reason known only to God._

_Upon noticing Karin's presence, Suigetsu hastily leaped off of Sasuke, causing the barley conscious boy to moan, slightly, and lowering his breath mask, yelled,_

_"THIS ISNT' WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE! I can explain."_

_Karin yanked a scalpel out of the door; sterilized metal glinting in florescent light. She glared at Suigetsu with a dangerous look in her eyes._

_"Start talking, fish boy."_

"But I don't wanna go!" Suigetsu whined, pouting childishly.

Sasuke rolled his eyes. "I don't care, Suigetsu. You're going. It will be much easier for all of us if you would shut up."

"But-" Suigetsu began.

"No. Buts," Sasuke intoned. The discussion was closed.

Team Hebi arrived at their destination-The Dentist's office. Suigetsu began whimpering, and Karin rolled her eyes. Juugo simply sighed, and Sasuke grabbed the mist-nin's wrist, and forcibly pulled him into the building. After the first trial of signing in had been completed, everyone sat down in the waiting room to hear the game plan form their leader.

"Karin, you are to stay here with Juugo."

The Kunoichi made a face, but knew better than to protest. Juugo was far to engrossed in a seven-month-old issue of 'Cat Fancy' to care. Sasuke continued,

"If he goes crazy, I think we'll be able to hear it, and I'll come and stop it."

"I hope he goes on a killing spree. The world has waaay too many dentists as it is," Suigetsu muttered.

Sasuke plowed on, choosing to ignore that little comment.

"I'll be going back with Suigetsu, just to make sure he doesn't try anything."

The mist-nin pouted, but nodded anyways.

After a few minutes of relaxing to the smooth jazz hits of the 90s, Suigetsu was called back by an overly-perky blonde dental hygienist. She led the boys along a menacingly clean corridor to the examination room.

Showing Suigetsu to 'the chair,' and producing a stool for Sasuke, the hygienist began cleaning her tools while prattling on about the weather. She turned and lowered the chair. As he was reclining, Suigetsu felt his blood pressure rising in panic.

"Alright, sweetie, open your mouth," came the hygienist's voice from beyond his sight line.

Suigetsu pouted at her, and glanced at Sasuke, who gave him the evil eye. Suigetsu quickly opened his mouth.

The woman giggled, "Awww..you're so cute! Let's see what kind of- OH MY!" She leaned in and, getting a good look at Suigetsu's fangs, quickly drew back.

"You certainly have the most, erm, 'unique' teeth I've ever seen..." Her perfect smile faltered as she leaned back in and bravely checked Suigetsu's teeth.

The mist-nin made melodramatic faces at Sasuke over her head-wincing every time she poked him in the gum. After several minutes, the unfortunate woman drew back, and wiping her brow, gravely intoned,

"I'm no doctor, but even I can tell that you need serious work. I'd say a few fillings, a couple teeth pulled, and a root canal at least- and that's not even getting into orthodontics. "

Suigetsu paled and yelped, while Sasuke allowed a look of slight annoyance to cross his perfect features. This was NOT going to be pleasant...or cheap.

"I'll call in Dr. Shindo to see what he thinks. We'll probably be able to do at least one of the procedures today, but this will definitely require multiple visits." She shot a sympathetic look at Suigetsu's terrified expression, and patted him on the head. "Hang in there, honey, the doctor will be with you shortly."

She flashed her perfect teeth, and flounced out of the room, leaving the boys alone.

Suigetsu looked pleadingly at the merciless Uchiha.

"Sasukeeee-kuuuuun..."

"No. I won't make you come back here, but you're at least getting your cavities filled." He spotted a rebellious glint in his teammate's eyes. "No arguing. That's Final," Sasuke said harshly.

Suigetsu pulled a face, but obeyed. He let his eyes wander around the office. Large, colorful posters conveying bad, tooth-theamed puns adorned the walls, the overbearing smiles of the figures depicted in them seemed to be leering at him. Prominently displayed surgical equipment and dentures sat on dusty shelves, and the faucet slowly dripped. The assassin shuddered, 'What is this place?'

"Sasuke?"

"Hn?" Sasuke drew his eyes away from the tacky, dated wallpaper to look at his teammate.

"I'm scared." Sasuke was about to tell Suigetsu that he was a disgrace to the name of Shinobi, but a deeper into Suigetsu's pale purple eyes told him that the ninja was truly frightened-as irrational as it may be. Practically gagging at his words, Sasuke managed to choke out,

"It's alright...I'm here."

A few more minuted dragged by, and by now, Suigetsu was shaking visibly.

"S-sasuke?"

"Hn?"

"Ca-can I hold your hand?"

The last word was barely audible, yet Sasuke's eyes widened a hair. What was he dealing with here? A four year old, or a merciless killer? Knowing full well that protest is futile against insanity, the Uchiha hesitantly reached out and took the mist-nin's clammy hand in his own- gently entwining their fingers.

"Thank you."

As more time went by, and Suigetsu's breathing began to creep towards hyperventilation, Sasuke began to massage the other's hand with his thumb. It was important to calm the boy down, as when he was nervous, Suigetsu had a killer instinct to rival Juugo's. Sasuke didn't need for him to go batshit crazy and draw a bunch of attention to there whereabouts.

Finally, the door opened, and a man, presumably Dr. Shindo, entered. He lowered his surgical mask, and put on his latex gloves with a sharp snap. Suigetsu squeezed Sasuke's hand.

"Alright, son. Open your mouth. Let's not make this harder than it needs to be, " Dr. Shindo said tersely, without introduction. He meant business.

Suigetsu broke into a cold sweat. He gaze moved from the cruel, beady eyes of his dentist, to his had, still clasped tightly in Sasuke's, up the pallid arm, across his body, into Sasuke's black eyes. He repeated the cycle, eyes darting madly. Indecisiveness mounting, Suigetsu simply let go, and asked himself, 'Is it worth it?'

The mist-nin smiled, mouth still firmly shut, and with his free hand, flipped Dr. Shindo the bird.

Dr. Shindo sighed and went over to a discretely located intercom system. He pressed a button, and with his back to the boys, whispered,

"This is Dr. Shindo, room 26. Yeah, I have a class-A Uncooperative Patient here. I'm gonna need some back-up-stat."

Suigetsu grinned sheepishly at Sasuke, who glared back at him, mouthing,

'See what doom you've brought upon yourself?'

Abruptly, Dr. Shindo turned back around, a tank of laughing gas in one hand, and a ridiculously long needle in the other.

"Look, kid, we can either do this the easy way, (he held up the gas tank) or the hard way (he held up the needle).

A loud crash reverberated through the office, as the door slammed back, revealing five female dental assistants.

"So," continued the dentist, staring Suigetsu down along with the five nurses, "What's it gonna be?"

Suigetsu looked once again at Sasuke, and mouthing, 'I'm sorry,' made another very rude hand gesture.

Dr. Shindo sighed, pulled back his sleeves, and slicking his hair back, said, "So that's the way you wanna play it, eh? Fine. GIRLS, HOLD HIM DOWN!"

The five assistants suddenly lunged for Suigetsu, attempting to pin him down. Their triumphant smirks turning to looks of shock when his limbs became water under their perfectly-manicured fingers. Dr. Shindo, brandishing the injection like a sword, shot forward with a wild cry, aiming for Suigetsu's arm. The mist nin glanced remorsefully at Sasuke, and at the last second pulled the Uchiha's arm into the injection's path. Sasuke immediately sank to the ground. Overdose, anyone?

"Damn," Dr. Shindo muttered, reaching for his back up tank of laughing gas. Suigetsu, meanwhile, rummaged in his pack and retrieved something no self-respecting mist-nin would be caught dead without-a standard breath mask. As the doctor turned back around, the shinobi wrestled the tank out of his hand before he even had the time to think. Suigetsu ducked as several scalpels were flung at him by a demented nurse, only to miss and be embedded in the door with a sharp twang. The mist-nin finally managed to stand up on his chair, and let loose with the anesthesia.

"EAT GAS, SUCKERS!"

Three of the nurses fell immediately, but Suigetsu wasn't taking any chances. He ripped the computer keyboard form it's socket, and whacked each upside the head a couple times-just to be sure they were out cold.

"YOU LITTLE BRAT!" Screamed an irate assistant-hair askew.

A sudden glint caught Suigetsu's eye and he hit the deck just in time to avoid getting hit with a pair of dentures. He grabbed a couple of obnoxiously colorful toothbrushes and hurled them at the nurse, but she deflected his attack with her clipboard! The other remaining nurse, meanwhile, had acquired a tube of toothpaste, and was squirting it at Suigetsu. Dr. Shindo was back at the intercom. The mist-nin ducked again as various pieces of increasingly large furniture were hurled at him, as the nurses became more and more unglued.

Suigetsu, thinking fast, took some dental floss and, using a magnifying glass to intensify the light from the lamp, effectively blinded both nurses. He then used the dental floss to hogtie them, after knocking the two out with an oversized model of a molar. With all enemies incapacitated save one, he snuck up behind his target (Dr. Shindo) and strangled him with the remaining dental floss. Oh, the irony.

Looking around at the destruction he had single-handedly caused, the shinobi decided enough was enough. He walked back over to Sasuke. Upon examining his comrade for any injuries, he found that a piece of the needle had broken off in Uchiha's porcelain skin. Deciding that it would be easier to kneel over him rather than pick him up, Suigetsu swung a leg over his teammate, and gently removed the needle tip. He was leaning in to look for bruises on his neck, when the abused door crashed open one final time.

_"And that's the honest truth," Suigetsu told Karin solemnly. _

_"Could you at least PRETEND to think about the consequences of your actions?! You murdered a medical professional! This is gonna have repercussions," the exasperated kunoichi sighed, "Besides, do you even realize how much money you just cost us but destroying all the equipment?"_

_Suigetsu snorted. "Who says we have to pay for this crap?" he shot back, "Besides, all the stuff the crazy fucker wanted to do to my teeth woulda cost like ten times more!"_

_Karin was about to retort, when their argument was interrupted as a sleepy-eyed Juugo entered the scene. Quietly surveying the damage, he asked,_

_"How the hell did I sleep through this?"_

**FIN**

**End Notes:** Ahem...well then...

The dentist's office described here is pretty much the one I go to, haha. -' Yeah, I know this is one of those typical crack fics where the characters end up somewhere unlikely and completely destroy the place, but I couldn't resist. I hope this at least made you smile, even if it was only because I'm an idiot.

**Please REVIEW!** I have anon reviewing enabled, and you don't even have to leave an email address, so if you can, please, please tell me what you think!

Thanks again for reading- see my profile on what's comming soon!

**XD- BISCUIT**


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